Anyways, for weeks now we have been using a dryer that is slowing dieing. Yesterday, we FINALLY got it replaced. This morning I wake up to switch clothes from the washer to dryer only to discover that the washer hadn't drained. So I tried to restart it and yea, the washer was broke! Went to my moms to try and clean up the mess and HER washer broke too! Ugh.
Today was just a bad day all around. I woke up exhausted and then was put in a bad mood right away by the washer incident. And that bad mood never faded. I just hope Sophia doesn't remember. It was one of those days where I just felt like a horrible mommy. I was upset all around and frustrated with her and other things and I just feel like I didn't handle myself very well. I don't want her to remember me as the mommy who wasn't nice, who didn't do everything she could for her to be happy and was always in a bad mood.. *sigh* I know even mommies have bad days but I should've tried harder to put on a happy face for her and it makes me sad because today was a wasted day that I can never give back to her. I'm also sad because she is weaning. I love breastfeeding. Really. Not because its free or even because its "best". I loved having an excuse to steal moments away alone with her. That was our special time, ya know? Besides, I watched literally all the babies around me struggle through formula issues and I don't want to deal with that. Obviously, I'm having a hard time watching her grow up. She is climbing all over everything now. Refuses to be spoon fed. She wants to do everything alone. Feed herself, play alone, take her own clothes off. Its hard. I miss my Boogey even when she is right in front of me. I'm also learning a hard lesson in letting her experience things on her own. I don't want to be the mommy that shelters her kid. Its hard watching Sophia climb everything and crawl everywhere and of course I want to chase along right behind her to catch her when she falls, but at the same time I know she'll never learn to manage on her own if I'm right there to catch her and pick up the pieces every single time. Bah. I miss my weensy baby. I remember sitting in the hospital all alone with her snuggled on my chest and watching Iron Chef on the t.v. Now I can't pay her to sit still with me. I'm beginning to understand while that Duggar women had all those kids. Its hard to watch her grown up and become her own little person. Fulfilling, yes. But oh so hard. I know this is just the beginning of watching her grown right in front of me...does it ever get any easier????
My little Boogey.
My little Boogey.
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